we're zine of the month....

May zine of the month at Broken Pencil

rad dad

by tomas moniz, zine, $3 plus postage, tom_moniz@riseup.net 1636 Fairview St., Berkley, CA, USA 94703

Thoughtful, well-written articles on "radical" fathering, tackling an array of issues, from colick to children's questions of identity. While the authors bring their diverse politics to the table, they make a sincere effort to connect those politics to the dynamic reality of raising a child... you're not getting a tract about how things would ideally be in a utopian future, but how things ARE in this moment, honestly.

An article by tomas is a highlight--he writes about his daughter and her negative thoughts about being a mixed-race person of colour, and poses questions to himself about how he can encourage her to value all aspects of her identity yet respect her autonomy to make choices about her identity that may differ from his. A supportive read for all the parents out there meshing parenthood with their politics, and a little window on the wild world of raising another person, for those of us on the outside looking in.

By Sarah Pinder

rad dad review in slingshot

zine Review Rad Dad #6 from slingshot
Reviewed by Hefty Lefty
      Rad Dad is a thrice yearly zine on radical fathering put together by
Tomas Moniz. If radical politics and living in ways that are critical
of white-supremacy, capitalism and patriarchy are to be more than just
a phase passed through by young people who have yet to burn out and
buy in, then it is important to consider how radicals can collectively
support each other throughout [all seasons of life]. I am not a parent
and don't see myself becoming one in the near future, however I do
find it helpful to think about how I interact with children and
friends who are parents. Most of us will become involved in a child's
life at some point either as a mom or dad, uncle or aunt, housemate or
friend. It is easy to for radical people, who are often [socialized so
badly], to interact with kids in [messed up] ways, especially if they
haven't reflected on the ways that their politics can inform their
interactions with kids and parents. Writings and conversations about
radical parenting consistently give me things to think about.
Publications that specifically address the concerns of radical men who
are raising kids are valuable because of the way that [society often
attributes nurturing… to women and mothers] It is telling that the
verb 'to mother' evokes an image of active (if not always flattering)
parenting while the verb 'to father' tends to connote a momentary act
without any [necessary] connection to the object fathered. Rad Dad
offers a place for people of all genders to think about issues that
effect parents and here them articulated by men who are often trying
to take a more active role in parenting than was expected of their
fathers and grandfathers.
      One of the things I like most about Rad Dad is the way that it
expresses struggles and tensions rather than solutions. Tomas, who
generally contributes 2-3 pieces to the zine each issue, does not set
himself up as an authority on radical parenting so much as share, in a
very personal way, some of the struggles he has raising three people
in a [broken world-messed up world]. His pieces have dealt with
pornography and drug use; how to watch his children navigate the
racism and sexism of the system while giving them the space to make
mistakes, or even just make choices that are different from the ones
he would make. The other contributors bring in different voices of men
raising kids; struggling to exist in a radical scene that is hostile
to parents or a parenting scene that is hostile to radicals, dealing
with colic in infants and questioning the conventional wisdom of
punishments and rewards, being a gay uncle/sperm donor or a dad who
didn't happen to donate sperm. Rad Dad also frequently includes lists
of resources for radical parents, from message boards to children's
books.
      Issue number 6 showcases another stunning letterpress printed cover
by artnoose which substantially adds to the visual appeal of the zine.
The theme for this issue is anger and frustration. Tomas starts of
with a personal introduction about how he has been angry a lot lately
and butting heads with his son, and about acknowledging that anger but
not letting it overwhelm all of the other things he is feeling. This
is followed by  selections from a message board of men who are
dealing/have dealt with frustration at toddlers are able to share
stories  and give each other support. Chip writes about how he
struggles with fears of becoming the 'angry guy' his father was as he
interacts with his teenage daughter. Several other contributions
follow and Tomas concludes with a piece about how his own father was
often unable to communicate the his love, and that learning from his
father in retrospect and doing Rad Dad makes Tomas hopeful about his
own efforts to show his children his love. There are no answers in Rad
Dad, only the wisdom that comes from sharing struggles for back issues
at $3+postage contact tom_moniz@riseup.net. If you are in berkeley,
you can find copies at  local bookstores and info shops [Pegasus, Long
Haul, etc] Rad Dad 7 is due out in July.

oester and our final kick ass reading

so here are some pics of the egg hunt and well we are coming back tomorrow

see ya all soon

and our roadies introduce us

that's right clover and zora stood in front of 10 people and said .........um..........like..........um.......artnoose does letterpress...........tom does parenting.........um we heard so many times we can copy them..............um bye


they were the best part of the show

somewhere in northwestern washington

so we had our second night off in eight nights -- it was so beautiful outside we laid in the road and watched the stars move then sat around with sky and hannah and had tea and told stories -- the best thing has been the time i've spent with the girls, with artnoose and with meeting so many people who have been willing to put us up, feed us, make us feel so welcome

we have two more shows and then were home

we're beginning to feel that pull, like a rubber band, of our place calling us

soon

tomas

new pics

see they do more than eat candy and donuts

new pics

pics

vancouver

so the country is so beautiful and the city is very big -- there is a lot of poverty and clearly hard times down in the area we were in for most of the day. we walked through downtown, played soccer, laid in the grass, had coffee then our reading, it was a bit of a serious crowd -- no one had seen dumb and dumber in the audience -- can you trust someone without that cultural reference..

and i heard 'eh' a lot -- there are some really cool amazing people though -- the creaters of baby block, and the person who is sharing their house with us -- it's nice to be out of the us...

pics

seattle, babies, new readings, and loonies

ok so a quick recap -- i read 4 new pieces esp because jessica and her wonderful family came to both nights so i was forced to improvise and i think it was the best readings yet -- the kids had a great time playing with emmajoy and mayaray, soccer, food, stories, they were a little tired the evening of left bank books because it was soooo nice and we were all so lazy -- then zora fell off a piece of modern art in the park crying for help -- clover and i just zoned it out

seattle is beautiful -- i think it's my new fav place besides the bay

ok off to lay on a couch and read

here's the magic

cars and rain and garage soccer and pizza

lots of driving -- 8 hours from arcata to portland but it was lots of fun chilling with the girls, stumping artnoose with two questions: what's zip from zip code mean?

the reading was good -- met kate from miranda zine and her partner who wrote for rad dad 3 and another father with 3 boys

it was my best reading yet -- calm, interacted with the audience, zora and clover sold zines

artnoose was her typical amazing self even when clover the disturber we call her now made a squeaky sound with a kiddy toy

and had vegan donuts that rocked!

day one -- dead birds

Our first day was a blast…we killed a bird with our car (horrible), had lunch in the redwoods and discovered a miniature cave of baby dank trees, saw artnoose become AJ Foyt for mini-van drivers, rescued clover from the clutches of the Arcata swamp, made spaghetti, went to our reading and discovered we were the opening act to a band called eleven eyes, and while they were setting up clover spilled an experimental coconut crappy Italian soda with half and half on the floor, met a scrabble player who was from Berkeley. Then the reading. Tom read after artnooses intro to two rapt listeners and a few other random audience people. Artnoose continued to rock the house; we then went to Lynn’s studio and ran into a fox decapitating a seagull that he had been eating. Zora and clover and artnoose took pics while tom ran away….

See ya in Portland


……………………………..we ate some disgusting raspberry treats…………*other people liked em*




after wards we came home and watched some simpsons’s and enjoyed our 3rd dessert session

first thoughts about our trip

um................R we(clover & i (ZORA***) gonna miss our easta baskets on the trip.............this stuff is bizzar..........clovers here
.........TEE HEE...............GIGGLE..............CACKLE...............LAUGH..............ROAR
BYE.......

rad dad # 6 -- where my boys at

Hello – once it again it’s time to put aside the crazy amount of work all of us are doing and perhaps consider doing a little something for rad dad 6. It’s gonna be our biggest one yet, and it’ll be part of a rad dad speaking tour my daughter, her best friend, artnoose of kerbloom! fame and I are going to do during the first 10 days of April. So I’ll be personally delivering copies of it up the coast to Canada…

I’m also considering new ways rad dad might grow and would love to hear ideas from others on directions or experiences with something like this.

As for submissions: really anything that deals with fathering from a feminist, anti-authoritarian, radical bent; sounds more ideological than it is: could be a birth story, could explore how fathering changes our identity or could explore notions of masculinity, or how fathering affects our relationships, our sexuality, how it is a political act, how it alters notions of activism, thoughts on discipline, schooling, gender...

As you can see the topic can easily fit the context of individual writers, drawers, photographers…So we need writers, buyers, distributors, and suggestions for thing we haven’t considered before.

I’d like to have it ready by mid-march.

Remember to come see us if we are in your neck of the woods in April – stay tuned for more info as it becomes settled.

See you in the playgrounds…

tomas moniz
editor and writer
rad dad zine

http://raddadzine.blogspot.com/
tom_moniz@riseup.net

system error

This is an essay from the latest issue of boxcutter:

Going through her eleven year old's new Christmas purse, Andee exclaims that the entire thing is filled with nothing but technological devices: two tamagotchis, one ipod nano, one nintendo ds, one digital camera, one piggy flashlight, and a game holder with three different games. All of us sitting with her kinda laughed and snickered about `these kids these days,' shaking our heads. `Why do they want all this stuff,' we wondered, but soon we fell eerily silent: three sets of parents, three minds realizing how our kids' worlds are just so different than ours was. For example, my kids all wanted technology for christmas, and my partner and I at first balked, thinking we were gonna give them only books and do-it-yourself science toys; you know Good Toys, but soon we gave way to pleas about what all the other kids were gonna get, and we found ourselves saying, `we might as well just buy them what they want, if we're gonna get them anything at all.' Right? What would you do?

So there we were christmas morning, and under the tree appeared so barren, looked so empty because all the presents were in these little boxes; it looked like they barely got any presents. It seemed so pathetic. By the time we got up, got coffee, got to the sofa, they made these tiny piles in front of them. I suddenly got all worried that they didn't get enough. Perhaps though we were the pathetic ones, so caught up in wanting our kids to be happy, to feel loved, to be satisfied. Because presents do that, right? Why on earth do we bother to give presents at all? I hate it. Not just with kids. I was stressing out trying to find things for the adults in my life. How did I get like this: I, who make things. I, who think of myself as so creative, so anti-corporate -- rushing around the day before christmas, so worried that my lover would not like her jacket or if I spent enough on my partner for fear she spent more. And there sat my kids' little frilly boxes underneath the tree. The only thing that saved the apparent lack of presents was the two gifts I bought basically for myself but wrapped anyway -- a basketball and a board game.

This is a panic created by consumerism and technology, but what should we have done? What would you have done? How to fight it when everyone around you especially your kids is so in to it, is so content to participate in our crazy, self destructive culture? It's easy to blame the youth of today but that is wrong. As for technology, this is what they know; it's not the way we grew up, wanting all these little devices. Were there any devices when we were kids? Yes, walkmans, and soon pagers, but did kids want them like they want a cell phone? So do we just say no to anything because it wasn't the way we experienced childhood (I mean who back then could walk around with an Atari and play it on the bart). We live in a different world. Take myspace which seems the utmost in prefabricated realities where you get a list of a hundred or so friends most of whom you don't know; I immediately want to hate on it, but I also realize that in this world of constant surveillance and monitoring, with a lack of public space to hang out in, without getting hassled, watched, where can kids turn to to reclaim there own autonomy: yep, cyberspace. It may be owned by Rupert Murdoch but it is something that they can create, control, invent, talk smack in, try to foster an identity.

So I try to relax while they rip open their presents; as they each squeal and laugh and scream and shout thank yous, I inwardly smile. A few hours later after the techno stuff is pushed to the side, after the cyber pets are sleeping in their little cyber houses, and the music is turned off because the battery needs to be charged, my daughter asks, `what's this game like?' Soon we are all sitting around playing and laughing together.

And then I opened my other present: the basketball and at the end of the day we all stepped out into the street and played with a ball, a real ball, and with our real dog, and we laughed and got angry and teased each other and had a great old time as the sun set on our real lives. Next year though I promise to do something different.

If you need some game suggestions these games have all been played and enjoyed for hours with our neighbors and friends -- get them because they don’t need batteries:

Dominos -- I got my ass spanked by a student in my english class a few semesters ago and have been wanting a rematch ever since, so when my son and I traveled into the jungle of mexico all we brought were books and a set of dominos -- we had monster games, created new slang for ridiculous decisions we made while we both learned to play. It has been a continued source of pleasure to set up and play in our house. It lasts for about 30 - 45 mins...it's cheep to buy, easy to bring along, and perfect for talkin all kinda smack. Oh and I still lost the rematch...

Gobblet – This is an awesome looking game as well – made of wood and really easily set up and stored. It is like a crazy tic-tac-toe and connect four love child. The object is to get four in a row and you can gobble your opponent in the process. Hella fun and good for all ages and easy to learn.

Blokus – It’s a perfect way to kill an extra 20 minutes between cooking dinner and eating or after bath and before bed. Four people can play and as you get to know it more, you can get more strategic, but it is easy to learn and doesn’t take too long to finish. The main idea of Blokus is to get more of your pieces into play than anyone else. It is kinda like tetrus. Since the rules can be explained and learned in less than two minutes anyone can join in the fun with ease.

review of rad dad in clamor magazine

Rad Dad
Issues 2 & 3
Tom Moniz
Self-published, 2005-2006

In mainstream culture, our models for parents are those portrayed in commercials as frantic, protective, and usually white. The stressed out but selfless mother is shown driving a mini-van or SUV carting the kids to dance or karate lessons. The father, when present in popular media, remains the breadwinner who doubles as Little League Coach. Folks like Ariel Gore, Bee Lavender, Ayun Halliday, and now Tomas Moniz are making the prospect of childrearing more appealing to those of us who retch at the image of family presented by magazines like Good Housekeeping.

Moniz, publisher of the zine Rad Dad, shines a light on the need for men to awaken to their responsibility as fathers. But in "Fathering the World," he expands this idea to include accepting the role of father, whether or not they have biological children. Instead of criticizing the individual, he writes, "the society we live in disempowers men to break from the prescribed role of the 'male' parent, the role that supports patriarchy, capitalism, hierarchy, and authoritarianism!" According to the American Psychological Association, "Fathers who batter mothers are twice as likely to seek sole physical custody of their children than are non-violent fathers." If for no other reason, we need to support men like Moniz who are interested in being fathers out of genuine concern for their children, rather than for selfish, manipulative, and abusive motives.

In his second issue, he addresses the stigma attached to public assistance, the emotional aspects of having a vasectomy, poetry, and a reprint of Alfie Kohn's article on thoughtless praise. Again, I am taken by how this zine covers issues so far out of the consciousness of mainstream ideas of parenting. From my perspective as a resident of Hartford--the nation's second poorest city--I see the need for discussion on public assistance. On television, families are represented as middle-class. On occasion, they may struggle with the possibility of job loss, but rarely does that play on the screen. In reality, most of us are not living in luscious penthouse apartments. When children are added to the picture, the financial situation becomes more important. Rad Dad is unlike television or those magazines found in grocery stores - Moniz tells it like it really is, and not how he might fantasize life as being.

The third issue of Rad Dad includes Moniz's struggle with his child's marijuana smoking and subsequent lying, the importance of storytelling, as well as contributions from other writers. Rad Dad, while humorous, deals with real life questions that range from queer parenting issues to raising a child according to anarchist ideals. I would like to see this zine evolve into a glossy companion to Hip Mama magazine.
-Kerri Provost

i don't know -- intro from rad dad #5 out in mid november

Note: as the essay says I am hoping to travel around the bay area -- sf, san jose, santa cruz, sacto, santa rosa, and the east bay -- in December to do some readings with another zine writer, artnoose who does kerbloom!, and hopefully with other parents/writers (hint, hint) so if you are interested in helping make it happen or can suggest a place to contact for a reading or even something cool to do with my kids in your part of town, please let me know. And of course rad dad #5 is 3 bucks and will be out in mid November…

I was tabling at the sf zine fair and I forgot how much I enjoy talking to people, especially strangers, talking about parenting, about politics and teaching, talking about just about anything. I shoulda been a sales person even though it is true I hate the limelight and how everyone comes up and says, “so you're a rad dad huh?” But here at the zine fair, it was just kinda fun and silly. My daughter was sitting with me and I always threw the question to her.

“Well, he tries to be.” She laughs and says, “No, he is.”

But more than selling, more than getting cool stuff, more than meeting cool people, I realized how much we need to talk to each other about our lives, our choices and their implications. I realized how many people wanted to ask me things when I put myself out there. Like these two bgirls (to use my youngest daughters term for gender blenders) looking at my zines, picking each one up, seeing my story on vasectomies. One simply looks at me and smiles and states: “So what, you can’t cum anymore?”

I stared not sure what to do.

“You know,” she continues, “because you got it cut.”

“No,” I smile, ”I can.”

“Oh, it’s just clear or something?”

“No, it's just the same.”

And as we were debating this I realized there are three other people listening and snickering, and I think I’ve turned a bright red, and my daughter has suddenly moved four tables away. The bgirl laughs and says “Really, I just wondered if that makes you not a father anymore?"

I appreciated the honesty, the frankness and go on to say something about not being able to impregnate someone makes me no less a father than when my kids aren’t with me.

“So what makes a father?”

“I don’t quite know but take one and then write me back and you tell me.”

And it went on like this; people wanted to talk: the mom holding an infant laughing at my rad dad business cards chuckles, “How does changing diapers challenge patriarchy?”

“I’m not sure, but there’s gotta be a connection right? I mean if more men did it and more men stayed home and more men respected breasting feeding and more…”
Or the dyke couple who asked about how parenting reinforces gender roles because they were thinking of adopting.

I just shrugged and said that it’s certainly changed my notions of gender but I don’t know and I asked what they thought and gave them a rad dad and asked them to let us all know what they came up with.

Or the woman who empathized with my struggle to deal openly with my son about smoking pot. She proudly boasts that she and her husband smoke pot everyday and they have a 10 year old. She paused and then asked what I thought she should talk to him about. Don’t ask me I joke because my son can’t seem to get enough and I struggle with how to handle it, how to keep the lines of communication open without totally condoning it, while my partner worries he’s becoming an addict. I just don’t know, but I thank her for talking with me, for sharing with me because it feels good to know other people are out there, struggling to make the right choices. And someone out there might know something we all need to hear, might have an experience that sheds light on some of these questions.

Because there are so many questions that I don’t know answers to.

But one thing I do know is that we need community; I know how invigorated I was, inspired by so many people wanting to talk about fathering, about parenting, about being parent allies! I want more community, so I am setting out right now to say publicly: I wanna create a radical parents conference. I imagine something like ladyfest where parents get together in the locations and create a meeting of people who realize that parenting is a key component to so many of the struggles we all face to change this world, to create and nurture the world we want to be a part of and the world we wish to leave behind. As for the conference, I don’t know what that means, I don’t know what it looks like or what it should be about, but I do know there are hella cool moms and dads out in the world that I wanna sit around with and talk to, be inspired by, get angry with. So help me. Write back; start something up. If you’ve already done some work, keep it up and tell me how I can help.

As for me, in December I wanna go around northern California to read a bit from rad dad and to meet other parents out there. Then in April my daughter and I will hit the road for a tour of the northwest with artnoose, an amazing friend and artist. If you know a place to read at, to meet with other parents, a place to crash, a museum or park to go to, let me know!