Hi -- it's Tomas, founder and editor of RAD DAD & RAD FAMILIES!
You can now order both books directly from me for the rad families in your life. Use the Paypal buttons to the right.
I do have some back issues and magazines of Rad Dad but send me an email to see what's available.
I also have various zines and my novella Bellies and Buffalos available; again, write and ask me about it.
Finally, I no longer update this site with new essays. The archives contain lots of amazing samples of my writing and writing by other rad parents including the very first intro to Rad Dad #1 from 2005!
Hello, it's Tomas Moniz, editor and writer and creator of RAD DAD (zine, magazine, & books). After a hiatus following the release of our final magazine issue, we at the RAD DAD collective are back with an exciting birth announcement: RAD FAMILIES is due around September!
It's a vibrant & necessary anthology of writings by so many amazing people (including a number of trans, queer, & POC voices) all examining what it means to create family!
Helps us spread the word, set up an event, & create community!
Email: tomas.moniz@gmail.com with questions or proposals
We are open to people of all genders and, in particular, writers of color, queer and trans folks with a desire to write about their relationships to children, families and community.
In 2011 RAD DAD released an anthology that confronted the representation of fatherhood in the mainstream media. We shared stories about our failures and victories of everyday parenting addressing everything from sperm donation, struggling with internalized patriarchy, playground visits, race and so much more.
Now we are excited to announce the second anthology: RAD FAMILIES. And we need you!. We want stories about parenting from diverse, complex perspectives addressing and confronting parenthood and family in honest and vulnerable ways. Some possible themes: How do we stay connected to our communities once we become a parent (or how do we not lose people once they become parents)? How do we counter the mainstream narrative around issues of gender and race and class? How do we build community?
This anthology rises out of a need for community and a belief that social justice and social change begins with the families we choose to create, not necessarily the families we were born into. We want essays written by people who understand that 'the revolution begins at home.’ We want mothers, fathers, grandparents, tí@s, caregivers, allies, friends, activists, teens and kids themselves to submit.
Some areas we are particularly interested in exploring in this book include adoption, alternative family structures, parenting children with special needs, essays addressing race, sex positive parenting and so much more. Let us know what ideas you have!
Deadline: September 30, 2015
Length: 500 – 2500 words
Email: tomas.moniz@gmail.com with questions or proposals
Full of beautiful birth stories, words of advice from parents of older children, essays on empty nesting, dealing with schools, and confronting racism and white privilege. Zine reviews too! Get it for your family!
The time is nigh: here is the most amazing cover of the final issue of RAD DAD magazine! It has powerful pieces on getting pregnant, empty nesting, sending kids to school and police brutality. The cover art is by Ajuan Mance and design and layout by Kyle Knobel and Robert Trujillo!
If you are a subscriber, your final issue will be coming in the mail soon.
You can also order copies of the past issue and the current one (Issue 3) to the right....
A note to our subscribers: we will be releasing the third issue of 2014 and the final PRINT issue of RAD DAD magazine at the end January. We apologize for any inconvenience. Part of the reason for the delay was our desire to craft content based on it being our last print issue as we transition to other varying projects. We also felt it was imperative to pause production and do the necessary work in solidarity with events in Ferguson and New York (and countless other places). And we will continue to do so because black and brown lives matter! This will also be reflected in our magazine’s content. So spread the word and look for the issue in the mail and on newsstands in early 2015.
If you have any questions, please write to editor Tomas Moniz at tomas dot moniz at gmail dot com
I find it comforting that I
announce the end of RAD DAD magazine on Dia de Los Muertos, a day we honor and
celebrate what has passed on, what we’ve lost, what we want to remember.
So it seems fitting RAD DAD should
end this way on this day; there’s a symmetry I find reassuring because I also
have a secret: RAD DAD was never meant to be just a zine or book or even magazine;
it was a plea, a promise, a confrontation, a commitment, an action.
We went on for ten years, released
27 issues, organized countless readings and workshops and meetings. We raised
over 9000 dollars and I want to sincerely thanks every person that has
supported RAD DAD: the writers, the people who offered up their most vulnerable
stories, shared their fears, their mistakes, the wisdom, painful and intense,
earned from loving fearlessly and openly, from understanding that revolutions
truly do begin and perhaps end with how we create our families.
You all taught us well.
You can still purchase the final
issue of RAD DAD for 2014 here as well as back issues and other paraphernalia.
I end with something I wrote about
my father who passed away. It’s from RAD DAD 12.
"On his last day
alive, my father was feeling good enough to go to the library to get some books
for his stay in the hospice. An hour later when he found us, he had a librarian
with him holding a box of 27 books, most of them romantic novels. I now have
someone to blame for my obsession with romantic comedies. 27 books for a man
who had less than a month to live. I laughed and said: papa, how ‘bout like one or two?
My father said:
chale, mijo, I can’t decide. They all
look good. And plus you never know.
You just never know.
Needless to
say, we checked out every fucking book in the box and stacked them by his bed
that afternoon.
However, he
never got a chance to read any of them because he died that night while I was
flying home to gather my children. When I told the story to my daughters, they
asked me, in their infinite wisdom, if I knew the titles of the books. I
realized I didn’t and immediately picked up the phone and called my brother and
asked him to write out all the titles.
Perhaps one day, I’ll read them."
Perhaps one day RAD DAD will be
back. Perhaps someone else will start something new that we can support.
Perhaps we’ll meet in the streets, kids in tow, ready to help make the world a
better place.
Because you never know.
You just never know.
Tomas
If you are not a subscriber for the
2014 year, there is still time to purchase either (or both) the summer issue
out now and the upcoming final issue out in December at RAD DAD.
We have sadly sold out of our 1st premiere issue that was released in January 2014 (though some distributors may still have copies!). But we are excited to present to you Rad Dad Issue 2 to get us through the summer months. We wanted a cover to reclaim father's day from the stereotypes of mainstream fathering, to show a nurturing, loving interaction. With that said, we are so happy to present to you the cover of Rad Dad Magazine: Issue 2. Photo by Heidi Yount and design by Kyle Knobel.
As many know Rad Dad is now a magazine, and we are
in the midst of our first year releasing three issues. There are ways to get involved:
1. Write for us. Sharing stories is the reason we do this. 2 Ask for it, especially
at local grocery stories, baby stores and bookstores. 3. Finally, subscribe or purchase
other Rad Dad items.
All the money goes to printing and producing. You
are the only way we stay in print.
Options: Order in time for Father's Day!!!
Subscriptions
for 3, 2, or single issues for the 2014 year.
Classic
back issues 5 dollars an issue (available 17, 18, 19, 20, 22, 24).
However, if you want to subscribe 3,2, or 1 issues), purchase classic back issues, or get the Compilation Book of 1-10 please you the Paypal links on the right!
And in April look for the call for submissions and a 50/50 fundraising drive: 50 new subscribers in all fifty states!
Rad Dad The Magazine is out! Please ask for it where you shop. Help us get it in the stores and community spaces you love! Come to our release events if you can! Or help us organize one where you live.
Subscriptions keep us going. Please use the link to subscribe for the rest of 2014 for your family or the the rad people in your life!
Rad Families Meet
and Greet with Ariel Gore and Tomas Moniz, founding editors of Hip Mama and Rad
Dad. Plus cover artist Robert Trujillo and other contributors!
Just a final note to say THANK YOU all for the support! we raised almost 5000 dollars. We promise to stay true to what we started: an honest, vulnerable, risk-taking magazine to explore parenting in meaningful ways! Subscriptions are still a crucial source of financial support! Please consider subscribing for a year by using the paypal links to the right! We will be taking an internet break while we plan and conspire!
We can be reached for the time being at tomas dot moniz at gmail dot com
Hello Rad Dad Supporters! Rad Dad is growing up! And I need your help to make it successful. Along with Hip Mama, Rad Dad is going to redesign its look to better reach more and more people!
Please consider getting a subscription, back issues, joint subscriptions to Hip Mama and Rad Dad, signed books, even a Rad Dad t-shirt or tote bag!
Please help spread the news: post it, share it, blog about it, twitter it, mail people about it. I'm excited to see what will happen and I promise to keep Rad Dad "rad" as in "radical" and not "rad" as in "can we sell you something!"
Rad Dad 22 and 23: the last two issues of the zine
I'm pleased to announce that you can now purchase all Rad Dad books and zines on this site and, if you do it now, I can email them out in time for Father's Day (which as we all know is everyday...).
The other day I
found myself exclaiming to my two daughters, sixteen and fourteen respectively,
don’t have sex until you’re in your twenties, but here are some condoms.
I’m not sure if
there is a better example of sending a mixed message.
I should
explain.The other night I
discovered my oldest daughter had spent the night with her boyfriend.
Now, I have
consistently brought up sex with them and with their older brother who now
lives on his own with a gaggle of twenty something young men in West
Oakland.And I have consistently
been rebuffed, scoffed at, silenced by their stares, punctuated with a rolling
of the eyes or a sigh of exhaustion.
‘Dad, please…..’
But I don’t let
it stop me.I know I’m not someone
they want to confide in, and I actually cringe thinking about it if they
did.But I want to approach the
discussion of their bodies, their rights, sex in general differently than the
terse warning I received from my father to keep my dick in my pants or the
silence around the subject from my mother.
There is nothing
wrong with sex; it’s powerful and beautiful and a profound ritual of entering
adulthood.
Clearly, it’s
also something they see all around them so to pretend they aren’t aware of it,
even that they don’t have opportunities to engage in it, would be blatant
denial.
And parenting by
denial is never a good approach to raising children.
However, even
though I broach the subject any chance I get, we don’t actually talk as
directly as I’d like.And that’s
why I know I need help, from other adults in our lives to examples of people or
movements reclaiming the body, offering other ways to view sex, that might empower
young women.
Sadly, there’s
not a lot out there for them; besides a few adult women in their lives that
they can turn to in need, there is almost nothing in mainstream society that
speaks to young women about their growth and desires in sex positive, yet
realistic and honest ways.
So I find myself
saying things like, I don’t think you should have sex until you’re older;
however, here are condoms
But now I also
add every chance I get, and remember…
Remember…
Please, remember…
…you can always
stop, you can always say no, even after you’re in the car, in the room, out of
your clothes, in the bed.
No means no.
Stop means stop.
In an attempt to
provide those positive examples of body ownership and empowerment, I searched
out zines about self--defense, about sexual abuse, about sex positive
experiences, things written by other young women.
And then, I
rediscovered Riot Grrrl.The
ferocity, the anger, the arrogance.There is one image of a group of young women holding hands, one without
clothes, across her chest and belly black marker declares: Every Girl is a Riot
Grrrl.
I played as
often as they’d let me Bikini Kill and other female bands as we would make
dinner or do our chores.
Maybe the
mantra: ‘who needs a boyfriend, when you gotta band,’ will seep in.
Let me back up.
I was not a part of the Riot Grrrl movement as it was born,
but I was a parent who was inspired by the relentless attention to power, to
consent, to self-empowerment.
In fact, fathering made me a feminist.
As a young
father with a newborn, I was served papers by the county of Santa Barbara to
officially notify me that I must “provide” for my child.I was served those papers, of course,
while I was rocking him in my arms, cleaning up the house I shared with my
girlfriend.The cop stood there,
scolding me that I should be out getting a job.At twenty-one, I said nothing back to him, afraid of his
power and authority.
Okay, I said and
shut the door.
But I was
fucking angry.I was a full time
student.So was my girlfriend. We
both had part time jobs.We took
turns doing what needed to get done; we switched it up when one of us got tired
of, say, balancing the checkbook (or more likely made too many mistakes).We argued and fought, but loved and
spent a lot of time focusing on what was important, our son.We sacrificed our autonomy or ability
to participate in things other 20 year olds were doing.
We were a tight,
angry fist of domesticity.
We struggled
with the decision to send our six week-old child to an illegal childcare center
that clearly had way too many children for one woman.
But we had no
other choice; she’s what we could afford.
Ironically, even
then, when I would walk up to drop him off the sitter would tell me I was
carrying him wrong.Time went on,
but the attitudes towards men as parents never seemed to change.
On the weekends,
I would bike around Santa Barbara with my son letting his mother sleep because
she was out till two in the morning selling roses to drinking partiers at the
bars along State Street.
Of course, I
will admit that balancing him, a year old baby, on the handle bars sans helmet
may not have been the smartest move a father could make.But the number of times I was told I
couldn’t parent was infuriating.I
was told I hadn’t dressed him properly, leaving home socks and shoes, or that I
knew nothing about his well being, despite being the one to take him to many
doctor’s appointments, or that I would hurt him or drop him, which I sometimes
did, but not because I was a man.
I was determined
to show them all wrong.
I took him a few
times to various classes during my first year at UCSB not because I had some
point to prove about young parents, but because I had no childcare and a number
of my teachers made no exceptions about attendance.
I remember
having to change him on one teacher’s desk after class, her face full of
disdain, her body recoiling; it was one of the most awkward yet proud moments
of my life.I didn’t then see the
irony in being so unwelcome with a child in that space.
Instead, at the
time, I apologized, backpedaled, afraid I was being disrespectful.I thought of my mother, doing the same
thing ten years earlier, telling me, a twelve year old, to stay in the car and
watch my brothers while she ran in to take her final test to pass some class
she was taking at the community college.
I realized then,
the strength she must have needed, a single mom, to continue her studies, to
persist despite the intense judgment society throws at parents, especially
poor, single moms on welfare like she was at the time.
Shit needed to
change.Even then, I wanted role
models.People unwilling to bend,
brazen, arrogant, relentless.
I was becoming
more radical in my politics trying to figure out my place in the world, my
mixed race heritage, my sense of class, and perhaps most profoundly my
definitions of manhood, of fatherhood, of gender.
How to relearn
gender?
After all I was
parenting a boy who would grow to be a man.
What kinda man
would he be?What kinda man was I?
The irony was I
began reading feminist theory in my classrooms and with my schoolmates, but I lived
it daily in my house with my girlfriend and my child.
My girlfriend
was a powerful, hardworking, woman from a poor background.She had that poverty mentality: work
yourself to the bone and never ask for handouts.But what was more stunning was that she had 100 percent
trust in me as a parent, as capable of soothing, calming, protecting, loving
our son.
She never
doubted even when I made mistakes.
No one else had
that kind of trust.
After two years
in Santa Barbara, we were leaving, heading for the Bay Area.For my last semester in the spring of
1992, I signed up for a Feminist Studies class; one of my last assignments was
to share with the class how the ideas we addressed might impact our daily
lives.It was a good assignment.
For it, I walked
in with my son, a diaper bag, filled with bottles and food.
This is how, I
said.
I got a B.
But another
student walked in with a bunch of zines, some 7 inches, and one bad attitude.
Riot Grrrl found
me.
It has stayed
with me all these years as I meandered through graduate school, as I reexamined
gender relations in my own relationships with women, as I became a father to
two girls, and as my children have grown up.
I was never a riot
grrrl but because of them I was forced to think closely about what I let my son
do at ten and what I let my daughters do at the same age.Because of Riot Grrrl, I challenged
myself to address sex in positive, open ways; I encouraged my son and my
daughters to speak with other adults in their lives if they couldn’t speak to
their mother or me.
Things can be
hard to discuss, but I want the courage to do it.
As I have
rediscovered Riot Grrrl while looking for things that might help my daughters
navigate their world today, I was reminded about their courage, their arrogance,
their fearlessness.
Because I know
that remaining silent, like Audre Lorde said, is dangerous; it’ll come back and
punch you in the mouth from the inside.
I know now what she
means by that; she means that what matters is communication, is taking those
risks to share the stories of who we are and what we believe.
So I work hard
to see my daughters both as young women and as individual people, not limited
to their gender, but not disconnected from it, to respect my children’s
autonomy and privacy as young people.
I am learning to let go of my kids and trust their power.
I am learning to keep on talking despite feeling
uncomfortable.
I am learning to listen to them.
I am still learning about myself through fathering.
Perhaps none of this is about sex education or being a man
in society today or about Riot Grrrl specifically; maybe it’s just the story of
one person simply learning to see himself and those around him as the complex
people they are: full of contradictions, fickle to a fault, sometimes brave,
sometimes inspired.
Trying to live a life worth living.
And of course, trying to hand my daughters condoms.
